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Slyp and Slyde
About 'Slyp and Slyde' It was Friday evening. I was feeling generous that night, so I gave Eugene a slice of my pepperoni pizza. We were watching Mike slide around his room, as Eugene had poured oil all over it for a practical joke earlier on. Mike's initial response was hilarious - FREE ME FROM THIS RUBBISH he said in his growls - BLUAAARGH BLUU AAAAAGH!. Myself and Eugene were chomping down on pizza, watching Mike try to balance on the ice-like floor, listening to 'enter sandman' by Metallica. It made the situation even funnier. The hardcore-ness of the song, with hiss groaning and downright growling had me and Eugene in stitches. However, the mood suddenly changed. The pizza slice was dropped immediately and consumed by a huge slimy tail, bellend-shaped and smelling like rotten farts with a dash of garlic. Slyp and Slyde was here. The laughs were over. Mike was fucked. WHO BESTOWED THIS UPON YOU, MICHAEL? Just to clarify, NO ONE in the history of Mike existing has ever referred to him as his real name before. Mike does an instant kill deathblow move, removing the head and/or any limbs of the unlucky victim within 4 seconds flat. Anyway, Mike took a few seconds to reply, swallowing the lump in his throat before continuing. He was clearly nervous. GRAAGEE he shouted (Eugene!). Slyp dragged his horrifically fat, disfigured and slimy body over to Mike, who had definitely found his balance now. Slyp and Slyde is half-snake, half clown. The body is entirely shaped like a large penis, covered in snakeskin, and green. It smells like rotten fish mixed with manure. His head is that of a clown, burnt out and blood-covered. Lots of blood. Over the years, the blood level has built up and stained his white painted face so much, his skin is probably a dark red. Slyp looked into Eugene's eyes. Eugene was stood, stone-cold still with sweat dripping down his forehead, and pizza juice running from his mouth mixed with saliva. His mouth was propped open at the sheer shock of Slyp's appearance. I stood a fair distance back to watch this all unravel. You know, I smell PIZZA in here Slyp stated. It was uncomfortably silent for a minute. Has everyone lost their voices!? Slyp continued. Eventually, Mike got down on his knees and begged for forgiveness from Slyp and Slyde. Mike was let off the hook, very narrowly might I add. Eugene was given a mouthful of phlegm-slyme. This is a nasty concoction of throat phlegm, saliva, rotted food, and sweat in liquid form, dropped directly into your mouth. If you spit it out, Slyp takes offense and eats you on the spot. Eugene swallowed. Mike's punishment was more severe. He was given a mouthful of this ill cocktail too, but also his room floor was covered not with oil, but semen-slyme. As the name suggests, his floor was covered with a foul smelling, sticky substance that lingered for weeks. It took Barry and Eugene 19 hours combined, over the course of 4 weeks to clean off and make normal again. Mike has learnt his lesson, and so has Eugene. And so have I. I'll never share pizza with Eugene again!